


Nothing Remains

by Bipolar_Armitage_Hux



Series: We're Grown Up [1]
Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Fenris, Autistic Character, BPD Anders, BPD Character, Canon Bisexual Character, Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Leandra Hawke Dies, M/M, Polyamory, Trans Fenris, Trans Hawke, Trans Male Character, autistic Hawke
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-20
Updated: 2016-08-19
Packaged: 2018-08-09 21:26:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7817911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bipolar_Armitage_Hux/pseuds/Bipolar_Armitage_Hux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leandra Hawke has just died, Aidan Hawke her oldest son is left alone to grieve. Thankfully he's not alone. He has his two boyfriends to comfort him - Anders and Fenris (who both actually manage to put aside their differences for Hawke.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothing Remains

Fenris and Anders were left standing at the entrance to Hightown, stood their in mutual silence watching Aidan walk away. There was an air of contempt between the two of them and they both just stared at their grieving boyfriend - hating themselves and each other. Aidan's final words were ringing in both of their ears. Had he reacted out of grief? Probably. Was he right? Definitely. They both stood there almost daring the other to speak first, Anders took a deep breath and told himself he could fight demons, blood mages and giant spiders he could do this. Although, he would much rather be doing that right now than attempting to reason with Fenris who he thought was beyond such things... And he didn't entirely see why Aidan was with him as well. He kept that quiet for the moment however, there were much more important things to deal with right now.   
  
"He's right," Anders said a little nervously. He wasn't scared of Fenris, he was just a little anxious about this conversation.   
  
"I know," Fenris replied grudgingly turning to Anders. That was when he saw it for the first time, Fenris had a glint of fear in his glowing green eyes. Anders' gaze softened, Fenris was just as worried about Aidan as he was.   
  
"I think," Anders began slowly. He didn't really know how to talk to Fenris politely. "We should focus on Aidan and try to... get along at the moment." Fenris snorted but Anders interrupted him before he could retaliate. "Or rather, hate each other quietly. Not at around Aidan." Fenris opened his mouth to speak but hesitated. He had to admit Anders did have a point.   
  
"Fine, you may have a point," Fenris admitted. "So, we go to Aidan's act all friendly and attempt to console him." Fenris stared at the clean, slabs of concrete in Hightown market. Anders saw it again, that glint of fear that he hadn't quite hidden. "How do we do that?" He asked painstakingly. For the first time, Anders actually gave Fenris a genuine smile. A sad one yes, but a smile all the same.   
  
"We-" Anders hesitated. It was a very good question that he didn't quite know the answer to, he dealt with a lot of death in Darktown but this felt... Different. "We- tell Aidan we'll be there for him. We tell him we're there no matter what he needs, whether that's to talk, comfort or not." Fenris nodded.   
  
"I think I can do that," he shrugged. Anders gestured for him to go up the stairs first and then followed him to Hawke's manor. They both didn't mention it but they were both incredibly worried about Hawke - and they both kind of liked that they had someone else with them who was too.   
  
Back at Hawke manor, Aidan was laid back on his bed with his knees bent over the edges so his bare feet just rested on the thick, red carpet. He stared at the top of his four-poster bed and tried to focus on the patterns in the wood. He tried to focus on it but every time he blinked and lost focus he was filled with the image of his mother in his arms, his mutated, grotesque mother. He couldn't describe and he couldn't even  _focus_ on those emotions right now. He didn't know how to deal with them so he just laid back on his bed, not thinking about it and trying to think about anything else. He really wished he wasn't here by himself but he also wasn't going to go grovelling to Anders and Fenris so they'd be here. He probably shouldn't have snapped at them but he wasn't sorry that he did. He did understand they struggled to get on and he understood way - Anders struggled to deal with Fenris's opinions because of his trauma and Fenris struggled to deal with Anders because of his trauma. If only they actually saw how alike they were. Or even just put aside their feelings for me, Aidan thought and hated himself instantly feeling incredibly selfish. Then his hands ran through his unruly auburn hair and tugged on it. What the hell is wrong with me? He thought. My mother is dead and i'm worrying about my relationship issues? It would've been easier if he'd have cried or something ... But he couldn't. He was lifeless. He felt separated from everything. It didn't feel real. He suddenly felt a mad desire to laugh as he sat up and stared straight forward at his burgundy, gold-lined walls. He, a peasant refugee from Fereldan, was living in a mansion. He had a bedroom his entire house would have fit in and yet he had traded everything to get it. Literally  _everything_. What was the point of it? At all? He started, not for the first time, to wish they'd never left Fereldan. At least if they had all died in the blight he wouldn't be alone and he wouldn't have to go through this now.   
  
He fell back on the bed, but this time curled up on his side. He grabbed a pillow and held it against his stomach. He buried his face in the heavy fabric - it was a deep purple with silver patterns delicately embroided into it. His mother had picked up at the pillow case and matching sheets market a month ago because it had reminded her of the blanket she'd knitted for him when she was pregnant with him. Leandra had told this story over dinner, a dinner she had made for him, Fenris, and Anders. She had insisted that she knew her eldest son's partners better. It had gone really well - except his mother told a lot of embarassing stories about him. One of which involved how the sheets had matched the blanket. It was one that Aidan was naturally very attached too as most children were, he had continued to be very attached to it and take it everywhere. It calmed him down whenever he had a melt down, the fabric was heavy and felt nice against him. Whenever his mother or father had tried to talk it away Aidan cried, and cried. Natural behaviour for a child, of course... Except the bit Leandra found very funny (and the bit that embarassed Aidan) was the fact he kept this up until he was ten. It was threadbare, turn, and stained at this point. Aidan cried for a week when Leandra insisted she threw it away. It was one of the many embarassing stories that were told over and over again at family occasions, it was of course the first time Anders and Fenris had heard it. The both of them found it hysterical, until later on when they went to bed and Aidan explained why the blanket was so important to him. Then they both felt incredibly guilty, it was one of the few times they both banded together to try and make Aidan feel better. They could do that then, Aidan thought. But they can't do that  _now_.  
  
He was closing his eyes trying to force tears to come to him - in the hope that might help him feel better - when he heard the unlocking of the front door. It irritated him how  _loud_ it was, at least when he lived in a shack in Lothering the door only creaked a little. The creak and jangling of the lock on top of the banging of the door was annoying at the best of times, right now it made him want to shout and scream. Then he sat up instantly because he realised who that had to be. Bodahn and Sandal were in and asleep, Gamlen was asleep in the spare room, his mother ... It wasn't his mother. It had to be Anders, Fenris or Anders and Fenris. He really hoped for the latter and the familiar voices coming from the hallway confirmed this. As he listened to the multiple footsteps and voices (that were thankfully not too antagonistic) coming up the stairs he felt a sudden feeling of panic for no obvious reasons. The was a gentle knock on the bedroom door and Aidan couldn't help but smile a little, it was their bedroom too and they didn't normally do this. They hadn't done this since they first came up there (separately of course), it was sweet that they wanted to give him his privacy. Really sweet.   
  
"Come in," Aidan called, his voice being heavy with tears and finally they started forming in his eyes. Now, he thought bitterly. Now you have to start crying?   
  
Anders and Fenris both walked in and stood side by side at the end of the bed. They both looked incredibly awkward, but Anders slightly less so. This made Aidan smile again, he wished he was seeing this under better circumstances.   
  
"I-" Anders spoke, hesitated, turned to Fenris and started again. "I know nothing I saw will change it but I'm sorry, I really am."   
  
"And," Fenris awkwardly started following Anders' lead. "Don't... Know what to say, but I am here." Aidan looked up at the both of them, not really able to process their presence. He had no idea what to say, then he found himself just speaking his thoughts allowed.   
  
"I - should've ... Was it my fault?"   
  
"No, of course not," Anders said as Fenris remained silent. "There was nothing any of us could of done once that madman had set his eyes on your mother-"  
  
"I should've had realised something was wrong, talked to her more? Shown more of an interest in her life? Maybe if I knew she was going out or if I had checked out this 'suitor' of hers-" Aidan paused as his head fell into his hands. "Maybe if I was stronger or faster-" Anders gently sat down on his right and gestured his arm slightly asking if it was okay to touch him. When Aidan nodded Anders took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. His eyes were silently pleading at Fenris with his eyes for help, he noticed instantly.   
  
"I-" Fenris sat down on Aidan's left and copied what Anders did. He took his over hand and stroked it gently with his thumb. "I can't tell you whose at fault and I can't give you any absolution." Anders threw him a quick glare. Really? He thought a little bitterly.   
  
"She wouldn't want you to blame yourself, and doing so won't bring her back," Anders replied softly.   
  
"Oh, she would. I _was_ supposed to take care of everyone, father said-" Aidan paused for a moment and choked back a few tears which were coming heavier now. "When - when he was - I was the 'man of the house' now. I had to take care of everyone, protect them from harm. I had to keep Carver safe - which I failed, keep Bethany away form the Templars - guess how that worked out, and look after mother.  _I did none of those things_. My family is gone it's all my fault." When Aidan had finished he started breathing heavily, oddly enough he was actually feeling a little bit better. In twisted sort of way. Anders wrapped his arm around Aidan and buried his head in his shoulder, tears were in his eyes now and he momentarily hated himself. He's supposed to be comforting Aidan here.   
  
"Aide," Anders started, clearing his throat. "Your father sounds like he was a great man, but he couldn't have predicted this was happen. If he had, he couldn't have expected you to do any better." Anders' left hand made it way up to Aidan's hair, something he always found comforting and Anders felt his tense body relax almost instantly.   
  
"Anders is right," Fenris said. Aidan and Anders actually smiled a little for a moment, they'd never heard that before. Fenris edged closer to Hawke and held his hand a little bit more confidently. "I don't think there's anything more he could have done that would have saved your brother, sister or mother." He left it unsaid that maybe it was better that Bethany was in the Circle. Aidan noted and appreciated it, Anders gritted his teeth as he knew that what he must be thinking right now. He told himself this wasn't the time as Justice raged in the head. Anders kissed Aidan on the cheek, tasting his tears on his lips.   
  
"I'm here-" Anders started, before catching a glimpse of Fenris. " _We're_ here for you. Whatever you need," Anders finished. Fenris rested his head on Hawke's shoulder nervously.  
  
"Thank you," Aidan said quietly. Anders kissed his cheek and Fenris squeezed his hand. Aidan didn't have to elaborate - they understood exactly what he meant.   
  
  



End file.
